Grandmother

Today I got the news that my paternal grandmother is no more. I am a human so if I see another human suffering, I cannot not feel bad even if it is my enemy. So today I have mixed feelings.

I am in a way happy that finally we are rid of the evil woman who ruined my mom’s life but at the same time, I feel bad that a person died. I have imagined this day so many times and have always imagined myself rejoicing and celebrating. But for some reason, I don’t feel that happy. This woman has tortured my mom so much, never cared for my mom or me. My father took care of her despite the fact that she hated his wife and child. He even left the job that he loved so much to take care of her.

Every time I think of her, I remember the step mother from “Beta” (Bollywood) movie. My father’s relationship with her was exactly like Anil Kapoor’s with his step mom (but here it is his real mother). He would go out of his way to make her life comfortable but she never ever cared for him or for anyone else. It was always about her and her well being. She was the most selfish woman I ever saw in my life. (I have now found one more woman who is comparable to her though.) But this woman did not let my dad spend half an hour with his grandson during my last India visit. She wouldn’t even let my dad spend time with me or even with his wife. Even though she had 3 other children, it was always my dad who had to take care of her. And her needs were always taken care of before mine or my mother’s.

She loved her other grandchildren but never cared for me even once. I always craved for grandmother’s love and never got it. She would talk to me in the most sarcastic manner possible to the point that I started hating this woman. I hated talking to her or visiting her house. Every time I visited India, my dad would force me to visit her even though I did not want to. My last India visit was when I saw her for the last time and I did not even speak to her. I did not visit her but I did blast her on the phone. All the bottled up anger towards her came out in the form of a phone conversation that I had with her. I told her everything she had done to hurt me and my mom. That was my last conversation with her. That was the last time I spoke to her. I had no idea that would be the last time I would see her.

She was pretty healthy so I cannot imagine that she died so suddenly. It is quite shocking but at the same time, I am happy that finally my parents can lead a happy life together. I am really happy for my mother as she can stop crying now because of that woman after so many years. I am happy that finally my dad can pursue his interests which he could not do all these days.

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12 thoughts on “Grandmother

  1. I have some family like that, so I can relate. People who have never wished me well, infact these people have gone to extreme lenghts to ensure I was miserable.

    Yet when they got in trouble, I couldn’t rejoice. I did not care or feel bad at all, but couldn’t celebrate either. Though in a philosophical way, I felt they got what they deserved.

    I am glad for your mom, she got a much needed, yet very delayed reprieve.

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  2. That’s so rough Ash. I understand how you can have mixed feelings.Β You cant help but feel sad for a death in the family, but at the same,Β good riddance. Glad your mom can finally move on. Hope you can too.

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  3. I feel, people with a high-degree of insecurity will indulge in such hate-politics. See what is causing that insecurity and if you can address it in someway. This is for the other comparable woman you mentioned.

    Destination Infinity

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    • I think my grandmother was very selfish DI. All she cared about was her comfort and she did not care whether my dad spent enough time with his family as long as her needs were met. I think she hated us because we resisted and protested against all the torture she was doing. Need to see what I can do about the other person.

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  4. I am speechless. Ash, let it all out. You will feel better. Was your grandmother living alone by herself? (I will be sending you an email shortly.)

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  5. I understand. Sometimes when you have such people in your life, especially close relatives, you end up talking about them all the time with your closed ones but many times I have stopped myself because it breeds negativity in you. It is weird how negative people take so much of our mind space and kill our happiness. If possible, let it go. Not because the person was (or is) worth that but because you must love yourself enough to remove such negativity. Take care.

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