It’s a date

For me, dates have never been important. I don’t really care if it is someone’s birthday or anniversary or whatever. Dates are dates, that’s it. As long as you care for a relationship, dates are not important. I somehow try to remember the dates of close ones, like mom, dad, husband and few cousins. Other than that, I am lazy to remember birthdays and other dates.

We are now in the 21st century, which is essentially Facebook century where everything happens through the broadcast medium only.

I see wives wishing their husbands “Happy anniversary” on their Facebook wall. Come on, how difficult is it to tell your husband when he is sitting right next to you. Scribbling on his wall takes more time than yelling at him. It’s not like you don’t yell at your husband AT ALL. Then I see 10 people like and then 10 more wish the couple. And then this tube light in my brain lights up after realizing that the whole point of wishing anniversary on Facebook is to get more people to wish you. Not many people remember anniversaries, do they? Unless you get married on Independence day or Republic day, like we did. We lost our independence on the day India got its independence. Every single person who attended our marriage made fun of us using this reference. Anyway, coming back to the Facebook culture, I see couples posting their wedding pictures or pictures of them together in some exotic place or just wish each other on Facebook. This kind of sends out a message to others on their friend list -“Dumbo, wish us on our anniversary. It is our anniversary and look we are so happy together”. The truth was that the husband never wanted to take that exotic vacation, as he had loads of work to be finished. But the wife had to fight with him so that she could put the picture on Facebook for others to see or vice versa.

Recently I realized that people celebrate “engagement anniversaries” too. When I told this to my dad, he asked me when they were getting married. I had to clarify that these were married couples. Along with their marriage anniversary, people celebrate engagement anniversary, first-meeting anniversary and some other anniversaries. To test the husband, I asked him if he remembered when we got engaged. He said “of course, I know when”. “Okay then, tell me the date”, I said. “20th-something”, came the reply. “20th- what ?”, I asked him and he had no reply. To be frank, even I don’t remember the engagement date. I think for me, it was an insignificant date to remember. We got engaged and got married – end of story.

Sometimes, peer pressure takes a toll on us. I had nothing special planned for my wedding anniversary, but people started asking me – “what are you folks planning to do?”. That was when I realized that I should do something special so that I can remember this day. And we did something special, but I don’t even remember what we did. We did go to the city for my birthday and our anniversary but what we did on which day is kind of muddled up in my brain. So this time we did not do anything special and people were shocked to hear me say, “Nothing. We just stayed at home”. The point is why should we celebrate our marriage on a particular day and why not celebrate it every day? The same logic that applies to father’s day, mother’s dad, husband’s day, grandfather’s day or whatever day.

I remember how people reacted when they saw me remove my engagement ring. My ring was pretty fancy and I did not realize that when I bought it. I had seen my mother’s engagement ring and I wanted something like hers. So I got a fancy ring which cannot be worn everyday, not in India at least. If you did, you can be assured of getting robbed. So my friends were shocked that I had removed the ring. One friend quipped that she had not removed her ring, even after so many years of marriage. That I was out of my mind. Again for me, it was not a big deal. Engagement, marriage etc are there for the sake of society. You do these ceremonies to advertise to the whole world that you are now married and not for your own sake.

I wore my mom’s old earring for my wedding. I wore it only because my grand mother had given it to my mom. People were shocked to see that I did not buy a fresh pair or wear something more fanciful for my wedding. But for me, sentiments were more important than price tag or showing off to other people. Why do people think it is necessary to show your belongings or affection towards others through medium like Facebook or marriage ceremony? Isn’t it enough to have those feelings or sentiments in your heart?

I removed my birthday from Facebook, as I feel people wish me for the heck of it. Facebook shows my birthday and people just wish me because it shows up. Not that they somehow magically remembered my birthday and took the trouble to wish me. In this Internet age, is there a friend who would take the effort to call you on your birthday? I prefer wishes that come through email or phone, instead of scribbling on my wall. I also stopped wishing people for their birthday for the same reason. I feel I am obligated to wish somebody just because it pops up on Facebook. Also, I cannot wish one person on Facebook and not wish the other person. Because if I forget to wish a person, they will get offended. So isn’t it better to not wish anybody on Facebook? I feel guilty when few of my friends who remember my birthday wish me. It brings a smile on my face, when I realize that they somehow remembered my birthday. But what hurts me is knowing that I forgot to wish them on their birthday. I promise myself that I should remember to wish them on their birthday but I get so busy in life, that I end up forgetting.

I must do a better job at remembering dates. I might not do something ‘special’ per se, but at least I should remember dates. I am planning to get a diary on which I can jot down some dates to remember. But who will remind me to check that diary, huh?! Now you understand my problem with dates? Jokes about men usually involve those where wife remembers dates, while the husband doesn’t. I cannot even apply that joke on my husband. *sob*.

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29 thoughts on “It’s a date

  1. Excellent post. I am with you on this. We do not do anything special on our wedding anniversary or our birth days. But we do celebrate our kids birthdays. I am a betting man. I bet you were married on January 26 (Republic Day). Am I correct?

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    • I read your post again. Looks like I lost my $1.00 bet. You were married on August 15. I would say that is rare. The Tamil “Aadi” month is for a month from July 16. In Tamilnadu, marriages are not performed in Aadi. Looks like in the year you got married, Aadi ended before August 15.

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  2. I too don’t bother to remember birthdays. I used to get guilty about not wishing others on their birthdays, esp. when they wish me every year. But now they got used to it! Even on FB, I try not to wish anyone because others might notice it and think that I was selectively wishing people. Your husband should feel lucky that you don’t remember dates and you don’t expect him to remember any, either 🙂

    Destination Infinity

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  3. Absolutely with you!
    “We lost our independence on the day India got its independence”. Lol! So predictable. That came to my mind too! 😀
    I so so so share your views about FB posts! I wish I knew you in person. I am getting married in exactly 6 months from today. I have not shopped for a single thing and I am absolutely uninterested in even starting that process, because I know for a fact, that except for a nice husband, I will not take anything else back from the wedding! 🙂

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    • we are so alike in thinking. Wish we could meet up in person. 6 months of single life left, is it? Have loads of fun in these months.
      That is so true about wedding. And shopping for marriage is a herculean task in itself. 😦

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  4. so I am guessing it was 15th august .. the day india got independance 🙂

    I am so bad at dates.. but thankfully Google calendar has come in handy , I put dates in there and it reminds me all the time 🙂

    and I hate the FB mania.. we have lost the personal touch, so i am no more on FB those who are good friends will remember if they dont then also they will be friends.. so doesnot matter anymore if anyone wishes me or not ..

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  5. Excellent post! I have never made an effort to remember dates, so if I remember someone’s birthday, that means that person is special to me in some way. And so the date stays. And I am totally off from this entire FB mania. I just don’t get it. I don’t even have an account. I am an old soul perhaps, still prefer doing things the old way. I believe they carry a charm that touches hearts and stays in our memories forever.

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    • Same here. If I remember a date, that means that person and date were very special to me. That’s a good thing not having an account. I come this close to deleting mine and then back off. Haven’t yet made up my mind completely about deleting the account.

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  6. haha…bang on.. .so true! 🙂 I do remember brithdays… I am very very good with dates.. But relyingon Fb for these things is stupid! More so, expressing it on FB. it is stupid!

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  7. oh I enjoy celebrating birthday and anniversaries! But, no we don’t celebrate engagement anniversary and I really don’t remember when we met and all that! 😀
    I don’t wear the engagement ring either. The first engagement ring K got for me – the stone fell out!! So, we kind of sold it back to the jeweler and got a different ring when we could afford to!
    Come to think of it – I don’t wear wedding ring, mangalsutra, toe rings… !! 😀

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  8. But the wife had to fight with him so that she could put the picture on Facebook for others to see or vice versa….This is happening nowadays. I remember reading this line long back. A baby of 7-8 months old, stood up and took the first step forward. The mother, instead of enjoying it, looked for the camera, took a photo and displayed in face book! By this time, the baby fell down and started crying! Facebook mania!

    I use google calendar to remind me of my friends’ special days!

    Nice post, AK!

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    • That’s so sad. Instead of enjoying the moment, people are more bothered about how many likes and comments they will get when they upload a pic to Facebook. I should start using Google calendar I think.

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  9. I am somehow good with dates, and can remember a lot of dates from personal relationship, milestones, friend’s birthdays, anniversaries. I love facebook, I really don’t like the idea of putting every single thing up there. And showing love through social media is something I am very bad at. I am happy though. I keep reminders on my phone for some of the close one’s birthday, anniversary so that I could message/call them. I still am an old school at that. Getting a single message or call on birthday is better than getting 100 wishes through facebook!

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  10. Wishing on FB is so artifiical..its so impersonal..I am on FB but half heartedly only because of family pressure…I always rememebr the dates concerned with the people I care about…but then I remember them and keep in touch round the year..

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  11. Two things. The Facebook culture is catching on and I wish people think twice before posting pics of celebrations, or using the wall to say things which they can easily say in person. Dear All, we really aren’t interested in your honeymoon pics!

    Second.Media,marketing and hype. Everything about these days are hyped. Be it anniversaries or birthdays or some occasion, people seem to be more bothered about extravagant celebrations rather than cherishing the moments.

    Wonderfully written 🙂

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  12. Kudos to you for being so awesome. I always forget dates except my own because I am constantly reminded about it by my friends who need a treat. WASTE OF MONEY!
    I am so glad you wore your mothers earring to your wedding. It is true that sentiments have more value than the price tag.

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